Another Episode of "Creepy Sundays"

"Um, I don't care what Anna says about you. I still like you - yeah." - Max

$19.95

Anna would like to remind everyone that:

• The Slap Chop can chop vegetables, nuts, & fruits, quickly and easily.
• The Slap Chop never needs a new blade.
• The Slap Chop is so easy you can do it with one finger.
  
• The Slap Chop is easy to clean and dishwasher safe.
• The Slap Chop is not available in stores.
  
• But wait! There is more. Act now and receive The Graty cheese grater absolutely free.
  
• Supplies are limited so act NOW!
  

Though, I really wish Anna would stop. I feel she is taking advantage of Max's impulsive nature. He has already ordered three.

Mediation

I have mediated numerous fights between Anna and Max from pot roast portion sizes to TV channels. However, I am not sure why Anna and Max thought I could help with their latest dispute.

Anna currently represents Fiat Group SpA and Max is one of the small bond holders upset over the latest proposed deal. Trust me, I fully understand both sides of the argument thanks to the daily rows over dinner. However, this time they really need to cut a deal with the US Government -- not me.

By the way, Max was offended by the use of "small". His shorter than average height should not detract from his majority bond holder status.

Where's Your Ball?

After reading a recent GAO report on GPS availability, Anna decided to create a more stable and deterministic navigational system. She loves her soy chai lattes and not being able to use the current GPS satellites to locate the nearest coffee shop scared her. After scribbling on the white board for days, she finally she came across the perfect idea while watching an ad for Dancing With The Stars.

Albert and Bertolomé, two Yahoo Chat buddies from France, verified the mathematics for her new interstellar navigation system. Now, to finish testing she just needs someone to open a Starbucks on Mars -- Google already provides the maps.

Night Owl

On the way home from a recent visit to A Wren's Nest Farm, Anna wisely picked up her Boveri target acquisition system from storage. She takes guarding her deliciously organic pork quite seriously ever since Max dropped out of bacon rehab.

Rainy Day

Rainy day schedule again!

Don't Forget The Coconuts

We were heading out on a road trip this morning when Max made an unexpected stop at Whole Foods. We were a little late but a short stop would give Anna time to reprogram the GPS; she can get a touch car sick trying to read in a moving car.

While we waited I was guessing how much beef jerky Max would buy. 5 pounds? 10 pounds? All reasonable answers. So I was shocked when he returned with just a few very green looking coconuts.

I keep forgetting about his time in the Solomon Islands. He once had to use coconut water instead of medical saline after a rather nasty cyclone. Ever since then he rarely travels without them. It's his secret security blanket.

Another Episode of "Creepy Sundays"

"Um, I cannot remember where I parked the Bobcat - yeah" - Max

Gaby

This morning Max was wondering out loud, "Does Gabapentin really affect voltage-gated N-type calcium ion channels?" Unfortunately, Anna is still under NDA with Pfizer. She politely ignored his mostly rhetorical question and helped herself to more pancakes.

Fooled... Again...

Max knew it was too good to be true; The Met is not serving that kind of Bacon.

The Gaming Industry

Chuck E. Cheese's has yet to return Max's call. Though, Casa Bonita has shown some interest in Max's new Whac-a-Kitty game.

Waiting Game

Anna was searching CraigsList again. No, she was not looking for another Moo Mixer or zero gravity golf ball. She was looking for someone to stand in line for her until June 6th. It's surprisingly hard to find a suc... person to do that despite what Max says.

Torture

More and more the timeline is raising the question of why, if the torture was to prevent terrorist attacks, it seemed to happen mainly during the period when Anna was looking for what was essentially political information to justify the invasion of Iraq.

[Editor's Note: I had no idea this was taken from another blog when Max mentioned it.]

Max does not condone waterboarding under any circumstances.

Turkey or Chicken

As you might have known, Max spent the last 3 months training for the Belgian National Bodybuilding Competition. He started every morning with a high protein diet consisting mostly of turduckens from Herbert's followed by a regiment of lifting scientifically calculated by Anna using her patented search technology co-developed with Stephen Wolfram. Max was starting to make Ivan Drago look like Buster Bluth.

Sadly, but consistent with his poor grades in last semesters bioethics course, Max fled the competition before it started. I knew all those books by Aristippus of Cyrene were a bad sign. At least we have left overs.

Another Episode of "Creepy Sundays"

"Um, I guess you really can make elephants swim - yeah." - Max

I, Max

Max remembers sitting in class wondering why on earth he should learn about geometry and trigonometry. No one ever uses that stuff in the real world unless they work for NASA -- right?

Well, who knew he would be using some of that wacky mathematics a few years later to try and sneak an IMAX screen into your local movie theater.

By the way, for those who still cannot be bothered with any of that crazy science, Anna compiled a handy IMAX theater guide.

Games

As I was putting away some left overs this evening I heard an odd shout from the game room followed by a short scuffle. I paused for a second waiting for the usual screams, fire alarms, and/or gun shots. The silence was reassuring so I continued to slide Max's pot roast over to make way for the Mu Shu Pork from Little Ollie's.

After the second scream I thought to myself, "Self, did someone just say snake bite?" Perhaps a new take on the classic game Snakes & Ladders?

Well, unknown to me, mixing a lager with a cider gives you a "Snakebite". And if you happen to be watching a certain movie about snakes, you are obligated to have a taste every time someone is attacked.

Hmmm - finals must be over with.

Преступление и наказание

Anna put Max into timeout this morning. He knew what the red button would do but pushed it anyway.

Who Moved My Cheese?

Hoping to avoid another AT&T shutdown, I have barred Anna and Max from playing "Hide the Vieux Boulogne" again.

Fiat Justitia Ruat Caelum

LEVY, RAM & OLSON
639 Front Street, 4th Floor San Francisco, CA 94111
Attorneys for Plaintiffs

IN THE UNITED STATES DISTRICT COURT FOR THE NORTHERN DISTRICT OF CALIFORNIA

ANAMAX INC., Plaintiffs,v.PEPSICO

COMPLAINT FOR

[1] COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT (17 U.S.C. SEC 101 ET SEQ.)
[2] VIOLATIONS OF CALIFORNIA GENERAL BUSINESS LAW (ARTICLE 22A SEC 349, 250(A))

1. Plaintiff brings this action to enforce Plaintiff's exclusive copyright and contract rights. This case arises out of Defendant's exploitation of the name and brand entitled "MAX" (hereinafter "Max" and/or the "infringing work"), which is derived from Plaintiff's copyrighted name and original information publication entitled "The Daily Max".
2. What the Defendants have been unwilling to do openly, legitimately, and legally, the Defendants have done surreptitiously, by the their back-door use of Max without paying compensation.

Too Many People

Max is frustrated at the number of tourist these days and oddly enough it's not overcrowded airports that upset him. It's the fact that he cannot conduct his field trials without people constantly stumbling over his work. Even his under water experiments with seaweed get poked and prodded by pesky scuba divers.

Well, at least Anna offered to loan him some ill tempered sea bass to help guard them.

Another Episode of "Creepy Sundays"

"Um, that's my gas mask - yeah." - Max

Mars Attack

I know Max placed it there. I'm just not sure how.

Lists

Max and Skippy were comparing lists the other night. Normally I would not be that concerned. However, when I walked into the room they quickly changed the subject to pest control companies in Merna, Nebraska. I'm not sure what they're hiding but I'm a touch nervous now.

Surviving

I think Anna voted Max off the island.

Influence

Max needs a new lobbyist.

Girl Interrupting

Max and I were in our library reading about derechos when the floor started to rumble. That could only mean one of two things: there has been another Tunguska Event or Denver won the basketball game. Unlike Max I placed my money on Anna's sports addiction.

Don't Mess With The Italians

It was more that 10 years ago when Max finished his second Asian field office tour. Back then he still attended every operations review -- Ah, I sometimes miss those early days.

Anyway, after a particularly tense meeting with MIDA, Max invited the team out to dinner. As usual, it was completely spontaneous which meant another cab driver's recommendation. We ended up at this little fast food restaurant named McCurry. Nothing exciting but it was exactly what Max needed to unwind. In fact, it soon became tradition to stop by McCurry and their cafe next door, 1^st Mile Bistro.

So you can imagine how Max felt when McDonalds filed suit against them in 2001. I bet they have no idea how they lost.

Another Episode of "Creepy Sundays"

"Um - I guess you really do get tremors when you go cold turkey - yeah" - Max

Determination

(Guest Blogger) Leslie With Another Bad Yolk

photo provided by a wren's nest farm

Q: Why do chicken coops have two doors?

A: If they had four doors, they'd be chicken sedans!